Book Quotes #10- Molly Harper edition

Okay, so Molly Harper is one of my FAVORITE authors and she's flipping hilarious! So, I felt it necessary to share some fun from some of her books. Enjoy!

1. “I am not the kind of girl who trusts a man to tell her everything she needs to know in his own due time, so I did some research on my sire. You can take the girl out of the library, but you can't take the neurotic, compulsively curious librarian out of the girl.” 
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

2. “Most of the funeral stuff is going to be done during daylight hours,” I said. 
“I’m not even going to be able to attend the burial. 
Humans get upset when vampires burst into flames right next to them.” 
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men

3. “I wonder if it would be unethical for me to turn James Marsters? And then force him to fake the Cockney accent? And then make him my love monkey?” 
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Live Forever

4. “I came home to find him propped up on a stack of pillows, sipping blood through a crazy straw (because it amused Zeb) and wearing Star Wars pajamas (because it amused Dick).” 
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Bite Their Neighbors

5. “What was the step down from vampire chauffeur? Werewolf walker?
Pedicurist for Bigfoot? I would have to Google that in the morning, I told myself.” 
― Molly Harper, Driving Mr. Dead

6. “I couldn’t have loved her more if she was my own child. But sometimes I considered shaving her eyebrows off while she slept.

For the sake of developing her character.” 
― Molly Harper, The Care and Feeding of Stray Vampires

7. “Jane gave me an expression she called the “stink-eye.” I returned it with the bitch-brow. And we sat back and let the two expressions battle it out.

“What do we do now?” Andrea whispered to Gabriel.

“Stay still and try not to attract their attention?” Gabriel whispered back.” 
― Molly Harper, A Witch's Handbook of Kisses and Curses

8. “Two hundred years of work experience was a human resources nightmare.” 
― Molly Harper, The Dangers of Dating a Rebound Vampire

9. “He's like that with everybody. Don't take it personally. Some people were just born with a pinecone shoved up their butts. 
In Cooper's case, it's lodged sideways.” 
― Molly Harper, How to Flirt with a Naked Werewolf

10. “Go on, you've claimed your thirty pieces of silver, go do something crazy like put gas in that penis replacement you call transportation.” 
― Molly Harper, The Art of Seducing a Naked Werewolf

11. “What are you running from?"

That put a damper on the fluttering lashes. "Columbia House Music Club," I said, recovering my snarkiness quickly. "Oh, sure, they say they'll sell you six CDs for a penny, but they'll hunt you down like the hounds of hell if you miss the payments.” 
― Molly Harper, How to Run with a Naked Werewolf

(This one is especially hilarious if you remember those stupid cd clubs!)





Other Molly Harper books you might like:

(The Single Undead Moms Club and Fangs for the Memories release in 2015)